The Perks of Pain
Hello healing readers,
I felt the urge to write today about one of the most significant things I have learned in my life. I think its particularly important to share now, while we as a community lean further into discomfort, isolation, fear, and the unknown of a COVID-19 winter in Minnesota.
Recently, I began reading a book called “Burn Out - The Secrets to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski - and by the way, I HIGHLY recommend this book to any women out there struggling with burn out. It’s a really compelling, solution focused book (more on that in a future blog!!).
The book names a concept titled “positive reappraisal,” which is defined as “reframing a difficult situation to find positive opportunities.” I’d never heard this concept named before, although many of my colleagues and I have been discussing it this year. Since March, I’ve been observing, in wonderment, the polarizing attitudes people have had about the pandemic.
Some folks see work from home as an opportunity to reconnect with the simpler things, while others see it as being jailed. Some see wearing a mask as a way to show love and compassion for their community, while others see it as their rights being taken away. Some see travel restrictions and bans as a way to help the environment, while others see it as a meaningless form of torture and economic downfall. Some see social distancing as a way to more deeply connect with their immediate loved ones, while others see it as purely isolation…. and so on and so forth.
What is the difference between these two mindsets? Positive reappraisal. The ability to turn difficulty into opportunity.
Now I say all of that, to say this - I am a natural optimist. I tend to find the silver lining, look for the opportunities, feel comfortable in the uncomfortable. Its a skill I not only was born into but spent a great deal of time with my own therapist working to develop.
I know this doesn’t come naturally for everyone. I understand that some of you are already rolling your eyes at my “hippy dippy bullshit.” This is a skill. And it is a hard one. But one that is worth while. And here’s why - when we can experience pain. Like the real bad, crushing, life altering kind of pain, and see the benefits? The game changes.
Right now, we live in a really fast paced society where being pain avoidant is pretty easy. Have a headache? Pop a few Tylenol. Get made fun of on social media? 2 clicks and the bully is blocked. Feel insulted by that person’s dating profile? Swipe left! Feel bored? Turn on Netflix. Annoyed with your kids? Vino for the win! On and on we can go here. We live in a pain avoidant, quick fix culture.
But lets back up - why do we experience pain?
I was in Florida a few years ago with Strep throat and I will never forget when the doctor offered me opioids, “for the pain.”
“Of strep throat!?” I wondered.
“Yes, for the pain. It can be uncomfortable” the doctor responded.
WHAT IN THE HECK!? I thought. An addictive drug for a sore throat? I told the doctor that I was okay with the discomfort because it was a reminder to take care of my body.
My body was telling me to take it easy, drink fluids, get sleep, care for it. Why would I want to numb that pain? I needed that pain.
I tell my clients all the time - It wont work to treat the symptoms. We need to treat the cause.
Putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound to stop the bleeding might make us feel better for the moment, but that wound is still there and you better believe its going to continue to hurt in all sorts of ways, Band-Aid or no Band-Aid, blood or no blood, until we heal the wound.
Pain is a symptom of something; it is not a cause.
My sore throat was the symptom of a really bad bacteria attacking my body. I needed to feel the sore throat to know I was being attacked. I needed the sore throat to remind myself to take care of my body so that it could fight off the bacteria. The sore throat told me to go to the doctor and get the antibiotic. The sore throat was my clue to cure the cause of my pain.
I call symptom treating the “whack-a-mole” of care. The second you bop one symptom down, another pops up. This is how it goes until we can identify and treat the cause.
It. Is. Exhausting.
So here is where positive reappraisal comes in. When we experience pain and discomfort, we are given an opportunity to identify and solve a problem in our lives.
Here is an example of symptom vs cause treatment:
Symptom: Headache
Cause: Stress
Treatment options:
Symptom treatment (whack a mole): Take Tylenol, drink caffeine, and lay on the peppermint essential oil. The stress manifests in other ways: short temper, anxiety, insomnia, relationship difficulties, difficulty with concentration, upset stomach, etc.
Cause treatment: Identify the problem as stress; find ways to eliminate stress; symptoms resolve.
I know right now some of you are thinking “Why can’t I bathe in peppermint oil AND eliminate the stress??” The answer is that you can. As long as you are able to use the pain to identify the cause - treat that pain, baby! I am not saying that you NEED to feel pain all the time but when you do feel pain, understand it is an opportunity to cure a problem.
Give it a shot this week. When you experience some kind of pain/discomfort, before reaching for the quick symptom fix, take a moment - utilize positive reappraisal and think: “What is this pain telling me? What is the cause of this pain? How is the pain an opportunity to resolve a problem in my life?”
See what happens and please, share it with me - I’d love to hear your experience :)
Stay connected,
Angie